However, in the US many of us have tried "Friends first" and crashed and burned. Why is this?
Simply put, Japanese women who date mostly Japanese men are used to that style. Japanese men in general are far less aggressive when asking out a woman, and far less aggressive in moving forward physically. This is caused partly by Japanese culture valuing a sort of "no touch" rule, as well as the Japanese respect and politeness values.
Not becoming friends first looks like you're coming on too strong! What we Gaijin think is normal, after living in Japan for a while, we find out that most things we do are either rude or "too much."
As a foreigner you should understand this and take the appropriate action. Of course some women will break this norm, but most will want to be friends first. That's not to say that a foreigner can't get a Japanese girlfriend, the style of courting will be a bit different than you are used to. Chivalry is important: holding doors, moving chairs etc... many women are surprised because Western chivalry is not as prevalent. Hell, they even have "Princess Cafes" where Japanese girls go to be treated with the utmost chivalry by Gaijin men. Give your girl that kind of chivalry so she won't have to pay for it at a cafe!
Dating Japanese women can be tough, but I can't even give advice when you don't have a Japanese girlfriend yet! Good luck!
